Preface: Who Are Ewe?

“Surely not I, Lord!”
– Matthew 26:22

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With a newly crowned consort Queen at his side, King David swept his scandalous misdeeds under the carpet and went right back to his kingly business; that is, until one day when the prophet Nathan dropped in for a visit. Nathan told David a parable about a little ewe lamb that was stolen from its poor and destitute owner by a very wealthy man, who then proceeded to slaughter the lamb without a second thought. The story was essentially framed in the form of a question to David:

“What would you do?”

Having spent his childhood putting his own life on the line to protect his flock – perfecting his giant-slaying skills in the process – this fabled story certainly struck a chord with the incensed king. David demanded not just retribution and restitution; for this particular crime he decreed an instant death sentence on the perpetrator. Nathan’s response to this jump to judgment forms one of the great teaching moments of the Bible:

“You are that man!”

So why did Nathan bother speaking in parables? Why not just come right out and say what he meant directly? He could very well have just stated the real facts: “David, you’ve been very, very bad!” But I don’t think the genuine reflection that followed would have been possible without David having first condemned one of his wicked (albeit fictional) subjects.

The problem, of course, is that conclusions that are clearly obvious to an outside observer are much trickier for the insider to discern; when you’re caught up in the thick of it, sometimes you have to remove yourself from your own story in order to answer the toughest of questions.

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Imagine you are sitting in an audience, comfortably watching a story unfold on stage. “What a fool!” you say about the main character; then suddenly you look around and find yourself having been magically transported into the lead role up on that very same stage. You begin to recognize the props, the set, and the familiar actors all around you. The mind-blowing realization that you’ve been the fool all along – while the real jester becomes the wise man in Shakespearean fashion – can come as quite a shock; I think that sense of recognition is the exact design of many biblical parables, provided there is an accompanying change of heart.

The same sort of allegorical questions that arise in the Bible’s parables can obviously be found in secular stories as well, whether it’s in Aesop’s Fables (“Did I really drop my perfectly good bone in the river to chase an illusion?”), Orwell’s tales (“Am I more like the sheep or the pigs on the farm?”) or Geisel’s rhymes (“Is the Lorax really pointing his finger at ME?”)

In trying to figure out which Seussian Sneetch I’ve been all my life – and what sort of Sneetch I’d like to become during the time I have left – I have felt the need to take a step back from my own story and embark on a quest to sort out some conflicting thoughts and predicaments that have riddled my soul for forty-odd years. In choosing to travel down this road, however, I do recognize that the acknowledgment of complicit guilt can be quite painful:

“Surely not I, Lord!” cried each of Christ’s final dinner guests when their loyalty was questioned; the insinuation alone caused the disciples to feel “exceedingly sorrowful”, “deeply grieved”, or “greatly distressed.” Whichever translation you prefer, wallow-world is not a fun place to visit – much less to live in! If you can, on the other hand, get straight to the heart of it and dig your way out of the mire, perhaps your time and effort could be put toward more productive purposes.

So in that spirit, I’ve taken ten of the random concoctions that have been floating around in my head, and I’ve written them out as open-ended, allegorical challenges that force me to take an outsider’s look at a series of successive forks stuck in my road. In trying to decide which direction to take at every turn, each of the allegories poses a single question to the Muppet in the mirror:

“Is it I, Lord?”

In short, ten times in a row I have answered Nathan’s question with the humbling, resounding realization that – if sincere – ought to trigger a turnaround:

“I am that man!”

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These stories were written to reflect the eye-opening perspective that I am trying to add to my “Weltanschauung” – the world as I have now come to see it – and even though they address the parts of my identity that have been intertwined with Mormonism, my hope is that others outside of the Mormon movement might find some meaning in them as well. One of my cues for embarking on these analogous journeys came after watching Leah Remini’s Scientology exposé, when I retrospectively recognized that every smug shake of my head should actually ring an introspective wake-up bell. With that in mind, perhaps these parables will take on parallel symbolism for those raised in similarly exclusive environments. In the end, I’m just trying to answer the classic question from the Combat Rock album: “Should I stay or should I go?”

I do realize that this rambling write-up may lead my family and friends to question my sanity or fear for my soul; whatever the case, I’d prefer to start a dialogue rather than deliver a one-way sermon that thoughtlessly dismisses others with whom I’ve shared a connection on this amazing journey. So in the end, I’d like to turn each question around in the hope of getting your genuine response to the question:

“What would you do? What would you do…if we wore the same shoe?”

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[Disclaimer: Although I’m still trying to find the balance between individuality and community, this is my journey and mine alone. These viewpoints do not reflect those of any organization or of any other individuals, including my own family members. I do not and cannot speak for anyone else.]

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