2023 Epilogue: GoFundKevin!

| Contents |
Preface | Introduction |


| 1: Historicity2: Accountability3: Disavow | 4: Whistleblower5: Lockdown | 6: Truth | 7: Character8: Ultimatum | 9: Audition | 10: Overboard |


| Synopsis | Conclusions |
| pdf Version |

GoFundKevin!

“Being honest means choosing not to lie, steal, cheat, or deceive in any way. When you are honest, you build strength of character that will allow you to be of great service to God and others. You will be blessed with peace of mind and self-respect.” – For the Strength of Youth, 2011, Page 19

~~~~~~~~~~

[Missionary interview at the Ensign Ward chapel in Salt Lake City, March 2023. Bishop Jared Summers welcomes prospective missionary Kevin Larson into his office and asks him to open the interview with a prayer. Being a special occasion, they both kneel, and Kevin offers a heart-felt invocation, inviting the Spirit to accompany the meeting. They get up off their knees, Kevin puts his mission application papers on the desk, and they both sit back in their chairs.]

BISHOP: Kevin, good to see you today; I’m so pleased you’ve decided to serve a mission!

KEVIN: Thanks Bishop, sorry I’m a few minutes late.

BISHOP: That’s ok, I—

KEVIN (interrupting): Actually, the reason I’m late is because on the way here I decided to turn around and help out a homeless person I saw down the street.

BISHOP: Well, that’s awfully kind of you.

KEVIN: Thanks, but I feel a little funny about it now. He had this sign saying he had lost his job and needed a meal. There’s a McDonald’s right across the street, so I offered to buy him a Big Mac.

BISHOP: That’s great – I hope he liked it.

KEVIN: Well, that’s where his story gets real sus. He said he’d rather have the cash so he can pick out what he wants himself. So I gave him $5.

BISHOP: OK, but that’s barely enough for a Happy Meal.

KEVIN: But that’s not the point. I kept looking back after I left, and he was still holding up the same sign, even after I had given him enough for a meal!

BISHOP: So you think he made up the story on his sign?

KEVIN: Yes – I don’t think he needs a meal at all and probably never had a job to lose in the first place; he’s probably just going to use my money on liquor!

BISHOP: Well, you might be right, but it was good of you to think of him, no matter what he decides to spend it on.

KEVIN: I don’t know…to make it even worse, other people kept handing him cash, and he never put down the sign! I just wish I had known about his con before I handed over my money.

BISHOP: Well, that’s on his conscience now, not yours. Should we dive into the interview?

KEVIN: Sure!

BISHOP: So I’m just going to read the questions straight from the Church’s standard missionary recommendation interview guide. But before we start, let’s quickly talk about the finances and make sure a mission is feasible for you at the moment.

KEVIN: I’m all set there, so we can move on.

BISHOP: But last time we spoke you mentioned that you were having some trouble finding a job to earn some mission money; so did you end up finding one?

KEVIN: No, I was really busy with my online coding classes this semester, so I didn’t have time for a job. But I found something better!

BISHOP: Really?

KEVIN: Yes, have you ever heard of GoFundMe?

BISHOP: Sure, isn’t that where people raise money for all sorts of causes?

KEVIN: Exactly! While I was Googling the costs of mission supplies, I ran across some GoFundMe pages for other missionaries; so I thought I’d give it a try myself.

BISHOP: Interesting…so how much did you earn?

KEVIN: Well, I haven’t told anyone else yet, but it’s about $60,000, give or take…

BISHOP (gasping): Wow, that’s a lot!

KEVIN: But I haven’t checked the balance yet today.

BISHOP: You mean you’re still taking in more money?

KEVIN: Sure, in fact, the donations are really starting to pick up now.

BISHOP: Really? We’re seeing a drop-off in other donations at the moment; how are you getting the word out?

KEVIN: Well, I saw things slowing down a bit, too, but then I realized a lot of people wanted to come to my farewell open house.

BISHOP: I don’t see the connection.

KEVIN: I started telling people that only donors get to come to the open house; it’s going to be quite a party!

BISHOP: An exclusive party?

KEVIN: Sure; I’ve been issuing special signed receipts, and nobody gets in without one. I’ll have someone checking at the door.

BISHOP: But you’ve already got $60,000, and a two-year mission costs less than $10,000. Do the receipt holders know that you already have more than you need?

KEVIN: Well no, of course not; if I told them I already had enough, they’d stop donating.

BISHOP: As they should!

KEVIN: But people are still offering; I sure wouldn’t want to turn them down.

BISHOP: Sounds more like buying a ticket to your party than a genuine offering.

KEVIN: I think they’re genuinely contributing to a good cause, and they feel really good about supporting me.

BISHOP: Maybe you should just tell them you’ve exceeded your goal.

KEVIN: That sounds really risky. Not only would they stop donating; if people knew how well this plan was working for me, they might also try to copy my ideas for themselves.

BISHOP: But don’t all GoFundMe pages have to list the amount that’s been raised?

KEVIN: Strictly speaking, yes. But here’s where my coding classes came in handy. I was able pay one of my course tutors to write some code that helped me hack into my own GoFundMe page script and change the font of the text showing the amount. We made the text white, so it’s completely invisible against the white background.

BISHOP: That sounds a bit fishy.

KEVIN: Not at all; technically the number is still there, so it’s totally legit!

BISHOP: Well, I’m not so sure about that. Even if nobody noticed the hidden figures, wouldn’t it raise some red flags with GoFundMe when that much money shows up on the tax statements?

KEVIN: Yes, you’d think so. But they only have to report accounts with more than $10,000, so I got a bit creative to avoid hitting that threshold.

BISHOP: And how exactly did you do that?

KEVIN: Easy, I just made up other missionary names, set up more profiles, and started transferring money from my original profile into the fake ones before any of them got to $10,000; so it all stayed neatly under the radar screen.

BISHOP: And all this time, you kept telling people you needed more money to finance your mission?

KEVIN: Yes, but technically I didn’t tell them which mission they were helping me out with. I’m planning to get married in the temple, and then we’ll have kids, and then our kids will have kids…and then my wife and I will serve a couples mission as grandparents. Maybe even more than one!

BISHOP: But that’s so far in the future.

KEVIN: Sure, but you never know; we might need the funds for a rainy day in the meantime.

BISHOP: $60,000 would get you through quite a few rainy days!

KEVIN: That’s right; it really puts my mind at ease to know I’ve got some backup security funds to get me through anything life might throw at me.

BISHOP: I’ll bet…so nobody else suspected anything?

KEVIN: Actually, last month a donor ran across one of the fake accounts and noticed that I had accidentally left one of my e-mail addresses in the profile, so they reported me to GoFundMe.

BISHOP: And did they contact you?

KEVIN: Yep, I got a call from one of their reps saying I can’t use white fonts or fake profiles.

BISHOP: So did you get things fixed up?

KEVIN: Yes, in my own way. They told me I had to list everything I’ve taken in from all of the profiles on my main page.

BISHOP: Makes sense.

KEVIN: But that would have been really problematic – the donations would have stopped since everyone would see that the goal had been reached!

BISHOP: And then some! That’s understandable on their part, because you’ve got more than you need.

KEVIN: But it’s such a good cause, I’d hate to deprive them of donating to it. So instead of changing the font color, I asked my tutor to write me some code that would let me comply with the request to list the total amount. I suggested shrinking the text down to a really, really small font size that would make the amount unreadable.

BISHOP: But isn’t that the same thing they were telling not to do with the color?

KEVIN: Well, that’s what my tutor thought too. In fact, when he found out I had been reported to GoFundMe’s fraud department, he was afraid we might get into some sort of trouble with the lawyers. He said he didn’t feel right about skirting the rules with his coding. So he just quit.

BISHOP: OK, that’s a relief. So you decided not to go through with the unreadable font size?

KEVIN: No, are you kidding? I’m about to go on a mission! That’s the Lord’s work, and every penny that people are donating is sacred. Imagine the good I’ll be able to do with all of the donations that keep rolling in! I wasn’t going to drop the whole thing just because one tutor decided to quit!

BISHOP: So what did you do?

KEVIN: Easy, I just hired another one who was willing to shrink down the text.

BISHOP: So you got away with it?

KEVIN: Yeah, for a while, but then some anonymous donor reported me again – must have been someone with really good eyes to notice the tiny font.

BISHOP: Or maybe your original tutor turned on you and blew the whistle.

KEVIN: Oh he wouldn’t do that. We’re in the same frat at school, and he pinky-swore that he’d never tell. But whoever it was, someone reported me again, and GoFundMe decided that I was breaking the rules.

BISHOP: So were there any consequences?

KEVIN: Yes, since they had already warned me about it, this time they ended up turning me in to the authorities.

BISHOP: Wow, that sounds serious!

KEVIN: Not really; because of my age it only went up to the juvenile court.

BISHOP: Still, that sounds like a big deal. So how did that turn out?

KEVIN: Oh, it was nothing. The judge just ended up sticking me with a fine.

BISHOP: And how much did that set you back?

KEVIN: $1.50

BISHOP: A dollar fifty? And you got to keep the $60,000?

KEVIN: Yeah, that sounds crazy, huh? What worked out even better for me is that he thought my tutor should get a slap on the wrist, too. So we got to split the fine between us.

BISHOP: So you each only ended up paying 75 cents?

KEVIN: No, no, we didn’t split it evenly. I convinced the judge to stick my tutor with most of the fine. The tutor was afraid I’d somehow put him out of business with future tutoring work, so he didn’t put up a stink. So I only had to come up with 25 cents.

BISHOP: So he had to pay five times your amount?

KEVIN: Yes, because he should have known better.

BISHOP: But you should have known better too. He advised you not to do it, and you told him to write the code anyway.

KEVIN: Yep, funny how things work sometimes; but that’s what the judge decided.

BISHOP: So in the end you only paid a quarter? And you got to keep the $60,000?

KEVIN: Yep, seems like the fine itself was just a token amount; the judge decided that the embarrassment of getting caught would be enough punishment for me.

BISHOP: And was it?

KEVIN: Well, there actually wasn’t much embarrassment to speak of; I ended up getting around that by sending an e-mail to everyone who donated to my mission fund.

BISHOP: It’s good to hear that you owned up to it and came clear; so what did you tell them in the letter?

KEVIN: Well, I just said my tutor had given me some bad advice, and it was a real shame that mistakes were made.

BISHOP: But your tutor told you it wasn’t right, and you didn’t follow his advice. You were the one telling the tutor what to do. The mistakes were made by you!

KEVIN: Well sure, but I wouldn’t want the donors to think less of me by admitting that in writing.

BISHOP: But don’t you feel bad about fooling them?

KEVIN: Come on bishop, this is what everyone does.

BISHOP: Well, I don’t know about that. Maybe before we go any further, we should just dive into the interview questions. Let’s jump straight to Question #3, which has me a bit concerned: “Do you feel that you have fully repented of past transgressions?”

KEVIN: Of course I have; I went through the court and had to pay the price.

BISHOP: The twenty-five cents?

KEVIN: Yep.

BISHOP: That really doesn’t make much of a dent in the $60,000 that you kept.

KEVIN: Well, that’s what I was legally ordered to pay, so I paid it, and the matter is now closed. It’s a done deal; I don’t think any further apologies are needed.

BISHOP: But aren’t apologies part of the repentance process?

KEVIN: Not necessarily. Does the Church apologize?

BISHOP: Well no, I guess not; I think they’d be worried about opening up a bunch of liabilities.

KEVIN: Well, then I assume that should hold for the rest of us too. I don’t want people suing me or trash talking me over this, saying I tricked them into donating. They’d want their money back.

BISHOP: Don’t you think it would be fair to offer refunds given the circumstances?

KEVIN: No, they took their own risks when they donated to me and trusted me with their money.

BISHOP: Well, maybe they shouldn’t have. After all, it sounds like everyone who donated to your fund still believes this whole thing was your tutor’s idea. In reality, you know full well that the hidden fonts and fake profiles were your ideas all along.

KEVIN: Yep.

BISHOP: And you even admitted that in writing to the juvenile court judge?

KEVIN: Yep.

BISHOP: OK, this is all a bit troubling. Maybe I’ll just skip ahead a bit and get straight to Question #6, which includes asking for an explanation of being honest in all you say and do. Let me just read this one straight from the interview guide under the paragraph “Honesty and Integrity”:

“Be honest with yourself, others, and God at all times. Being honest means choosing not to lie, steal, cheat, or deceive in any way. When you are honest, you build strength of character that will allow you to be of great service to God and others. You will be blessed with peace of mind and self-respect. You will be trusted by the Lord and will be worthy to enter into His holy temples”.

Realizing that the Brethren are calling out deception with this statement, how are you going to answer to that?

KEVIN: Well, speaking of the Brethren, aren’t there any interview questions about church leaders?

BISHOP: Sure, Question #4 asks “Do you have a testimony that Russell M. Nelson is a prophet of God? And will you share your testimony of President Nelson?”

KEVIN: Well, I can definitely answer both of those questions with a huge “yes!”

BISHOP: But what about tricking people into donating mission funds that you don’t need?

KEVIN: Well, we just heard again in General Conference that the current prophet trumps everything. And what I’ve done with these extra mission funds is exactly what President Nelson has done with the extra tithing money the Church has collected from donors.

BISHOP: Hmm…well I hadn’t thought about it that way. I guess you’ve got a point there. Maybe we shouldn’t be expecting more from you than we do from our prophet.

KEVIN: Yes, I totally agree— 

BISHOP: …or maybe we should be expecting more from our prophet…

KEVIN: What? Listen, I need to get going soon; so are you happy to sign off on my papers?

BISHOP: I guess so; you’ve sure given me a lot to think about, though.

[Bishop Summers signs the papers and puts them in a large manila envelope. They again kneel on the floor, and the Bishop offers the benediction. They get up to leave and walk to the outside door together, where they spot a stranger walking down the street.]

KEVIN: Hey look, it’s the homeless guy I ran into earlier.

BISHOP: Well, maybe you should give him another $5.

KEVIN: No, I think I’ve given him enough already.

BISHOP: $5? That’s nothing compared to the $60,000 you’ve got!

KEVIN: Hey, technically I’ll be volunteering my time, working really long hours for the next two years. If I stayed home, I could be earning $40 an hour with a coding job.

BISHOP: I guess that’s true.

KEVIN: So the way I see it, I’m giving up $250,000 of lost income by going on a mission. So I’m doing way more than my part in terms of charity.

BISHOP: Sounds like a lot when you put it that way.  

KEVIN: Well yeah! I can’t think of any of my non-LDS friends who are that charitable. In terms of good will, it makes me really happy to know that I’m at the top of the list!

BISHOP: If you say so. But still, don’t you think that guy could use another 5-spot?

KEVIN: Nah, my money’s better put elsewhere.

BISHOP: Do you think that’s what Jesus would say?

KEVIN: Don’t the signs outside the Salt Lake Temple say to avoid giving direct handouts? Why should it be any different outside a chapel?

BISHOP: Touché…have a great mission, Kevin. I’m going home now to rethink my life.

Wikipedia article with news references:
2023 SEC charges against the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and Ensign Peak Advisors

| Next: Conclusions: Now What? |

| Contents |
Preface | Introduction |


| 1: Historicity2: Accountability3: Disavow | 4: Whistleblower5: Lockdown | 6: Truth | 7: Character8: Ultimatum | 9: Audition | 10: Overboard |


| Synopsis | Conclusions |
| pdf Version |